What happens if you don't make friendsExperience
In this article, I would like to talk about my experience. As the title says, I stopped making friends at a certain point in my life (when I was a student). This is because there was no one who shared my aspirations.
For example, if you set a goal to enter a difficult university, it is obvious that you should spend time with people who have the same aspirations as you.
If you have the same aspirations, you won't go out to play or do anything annoying while you study, and the presence of each other will compel you to study. The reason I couldn't find anyone who had high aspirations with me back then was because they didn't meet the deadlines for submitting regular tests or didn't do the assignments they were given in the first place, and they would copy the answers to the blank questions with a red pen.
It seemed to me that inauthenticity was boldly rounded out. Do you all want to be friends with people who do this? I do not want to be. I don't want to be in the same ring and sink in the same boat.
While living with such people, an incident occurred. The incident was the “trolley problem,” which divides opinion on issues of ethics and justice.
The content of the case is a question of justice and ethics: whether to save one life at the expense of many lives with one's own hands in front of a runaway trolley, or to save many lives at the expense of one life.
My guess was that opinions would be split in half, and the majority chose to sacrifice one life. So my thought was, are they afraid to argue, are they afraid to disturb the harmony, or are they not thinking?
I thought that if I definitely thought about something, we would disagree. I don't know if I am crazy or if the rest of the world is crazy. From that point on, I stopped making friends and gradually began to distance myself from people.
As the months went by, a certain thing began to happen. I started to notice that I became extremely reluctant to meet people, and that conversations were not smooth anymore. The biggest thing I noticed was that my mind became slow.
I often read in comic books and other media that people get high grades even if they are alone, but in reality I thought that such a thing could never happen. In real life, there are people who say they didn't make friends during their school years, but how did they manage to stay active in groups?
I think that they did not refuse to do things that they did not want to do, and that they had to push down their feelings and thoughts to follow them.
I don't want to push my thoughts away anymore. I want to go to the world of discussion.
How to make comparisons painless
Introduction
Do you ever experience mental distress from being compared to others? For example, what is your dignity, whether you are popular or not, your family's financial strength, the education you received, your sense of values, your test scores, your grades, your work performance in numbers, your educational background, where you went to college, etc. We have been compared to others since childhood.
We have been subjected to many comparisons since childhood. Comparisons are essential when deciding things. This is because we have to decide which product or value is higher or lower, more or less efficient, or has advantages or disadvantages.
Comparison is a choice. By now I am getting tired of being the subject of comparisons too. But I have no choice. Without comparison, we cannot make accurate judgments. Therefore, I have thought about what we need to do to prepare ourselves and act in order not to feel the pain of being compared.
These are only my opinions and suggestions. I hope you will find them useful.
For those of you who suffer from comparison to others: 5 tips to ease your mind
How to deal with being compared to others
First: Use others as a textbook.
Because, for example, if someone does something that makes you feel bad about yourself, you can use that person as a lesson to live your life and never behave like that to others.
I have an experience. I saw a person who saw a bag fall on the floor, but did not show any intention to pick it up. I think to myself, "How are the parents educated? How are the parents being educated? That's the first question that comes to my mind. Why aren't they picking it up? What have they learned? Why don't they do what is natural for a human being? These are the questions that I often ask myself.
Back to my point, I find it less painful to look at these people as role models and compare them to me. Besides, it also makes me feel that I am better than the person who acted that way.
Second: Compare yourself to your past.
Because, for example, have you ever felt frustrated when you didn't do well on a previous test and resolved to do better next time? Your past self can actually be a textbook for personal growth. The important thing to note here is that you should always try to surpass your past self. I have an experience. That is, I was not action-oriented before, but I decided to compare myself with my past self, thinking "I want to start something new and become someone who is light on footwork, someone who can be action-oriented and do what needs to be done well. It might be easier than comparing myself to others, because there are so many others out there. Because there are so many others and it is difficult to define what kind of person I want to be.
One of my favorite historical figures in world history is a man named Mr. Sun. He created a book called Sun's Art of War, which is now read in business. There is a phrase in the book that I would like to share with you. It is "If you know him and know yourself, you will not be in danger of a hundred choices. He is not only the enemy in front of you, but also your rivals around you. It means that if you analyze the enemy and yourself and take countermeasures, you will not have to worry about losing. It is also important to try to understand the situation and background of others when comparing yourself with others, in order to avoid unnecessary pain.
Third: Compare sometimes to the point of depression.
Here is an unsuitable way to make comparison painless.
Because we are constantly being compared to someone else every day. It is difficult to grow without comparison. This is because comparison is the gasoline that makes us try to grow ourselves. Just as the status quo is the beginning of decline, if there is no gasoline to make you grow, you will decline. Having a moderate sense of crisis stimulates the desire to grow without settling for the status quo. For this reason, we believe that it is necessary to compare so much that we become depressed. Remember, however, that too much depression can undermine your sense of self-esteem.
Fourth, don't be a perfectionist.
What are you trying to perfect? Are you doing enough to be perfect? Are you doing it without skipping a beat? I don't think perfectionism exists. I think it is someone who is trying to be perfect. It is very tiring to try to be a perfectionist when you can't even be a perfectionist.
Fifth, save your strength for when it comes.
Here are some ways to do this when you first meet someone. You don't have to go all out from the start to get them to like you. In fact, you will end up being the textbook. On the other hand, if someone doesn't like this way of doing things, try to understand beforehand that you are the kind of person who has this kind of personality and try to relate to people. Preserving your power for when it comes means preserving the power of how you respond when you and others are compared. If you are in an inferior position, take it seriously and improve. Focus only on improving. To not feel pain. Be careful here: be calm, not emotional.
To summarize what I have said so far, we should look at other people as role models and use them as a reminder to ourselves. Compare yourself with your past and correct what needs to be corrected. Life without comparison is lukewarm, so we sometimes compare ourselves to the point of depression. However, do not take them too seriously. Taking it too seriously can lead to unhappiness. Abandon perfectionism. We can only judge what has been done and what has not been done. It narrows our perspective. Save your strength for the time to come.
I have explained how I respond in a life of comparison.
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